I Regret Sleeping on That Couch

This was also on Writer’s Digest

I awoke several hours after dawn to the sound of banjos playing louder and louder, approaching closer and closer. For a minute, my first thought was ‘paddle faster, I hear banjos,’ but then I realized this was only my band playing on the radio. Yet, I couldn’t shake the ominous feeling that something bad was about to happen down in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
“Did you enjoy your stay on our couch?” asked 37-year old Forest deWhit. He was dressed in blue denim overalls with no shirt underneath, he was chewing a piece of straw in his mouth, and he had on a worn straw hat.
“Yes.” I replied as I suddenly remembered that my manager forgot to make sleeping arrangements for my show down in Baton Rouge. Fortunately, Forest was a good man and let me stay over after my show. “Listen, I hate to flaunt my fame but could you get me a cup of coffee?”
Good-natured Forest had no problem getting a cup of coffee for a young semi-celebrity. Forest, however, replied, “My wife actually already made us breakfast if you want to join us.”
Again, something told me that I shouldn’t accept the offer, but my stomach putting up an amazing argument telling me to eat something. I graciously accepted the offer and breakfast and made my way to the table. The smell of freshly cooked bacon began to instantly wake me up as I approached the table. Amber deWhit was an amazing cook and had put out a fabulous spread of bacon, eggs, hash browns, French toast, and apple cider. “You better eat up, today is a big day for a man such as yourself.” Amber had a nice, soothing voice. My travel day was a big day for me, I had to make it to Birmingham by nightfall.
Just then, I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. That’s right, I had remembered the deWhits talking about their kid as I was falling asleep.
Amber’s mellow voice once again spoke up, “Come downstairs dear, we’re just sitting down to a lovely meal now.” I figured that there was a good chance the kid was a girl because dear was often not a word to address a boy, especially not in the south. The deWhits probably told me last night but I was so tired that I passed out quickly.
“Forgive our daughter for being late to breakfast, she’s just over the moon that you’re here right now.” Amber felt like she had to apologize but I was beginning to get a little uncomfortable that they seemed like they were walking on eggshells around me.
“Guys, I’m a minor celebrity, please don’t act any differently.”
“Don’t be silly, you’re much more than that to us.”
I had suddenly regretted not checking the basement for any dead bodies before falling asleep.
The daughter had finally come downstairs with a beautiful wedding dress!
“Every Louisiana boy knows that sleeping on a man’s couch is payment for marrying his daughter.”

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